Real Life Humor from the Reader's Digest
We were using live ammunition during maneuvers in Germany when a phosphorus flare fell short, coming perilously close to me and some of my buddies. We did what most people do under such circumstances — we ran for our lives. "Get back to your weapons!" shouted the officer in charge. "Why are you men running?"
As one private ran past him, he answered the officer, "Because we can't fly, sir."
Throughout her pregnancy, my sister Joanne insisted that she wanted no medication during labor. When the big day came, though, she wondered if she had made the right decision.
Knowing my sister's stance on drugs, the midwife did everything else to ease Joanne's pain. "You look uncomfortable," she said at one point. "Would you like to change positions?"
"Yes," Joanne replied. "I want to be the midwife.
Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class.
"Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said.
"Yeah, but look at it from my point of view," he said optimistically. "I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over."
After his marriage broke up, my manager became very philosophical. "I guess it was in our stars," he sighed.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Her astrological sign is the one for earth. Mine is the one for water. Together we made mud."