Food for thought
Things to think about
|Feeling unsatisfied? Creating expectations only borrows trouble
posted by Simplify3 on Jul. 21 2007, Updated on Oct. 6 2009
Feeling unsatisfied? Creating expectations only borrows trouble
By Jamie Shane contact
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Isn’t it funny how we fill up our lives with expectations and then wander around wondering why we feel so unsatisfied?
The creation of expectation is the ultimate form of self-sabotage, and it builds a strange stage for unhappiness. Unaware, this common, deeply ingrained behavior allows us to court disappointment as if it were the perfect lover instead of the perfect disaster. (Which often goes hand in hand anyway, as perfect is naught but a frightful illusion on the best of days.) Creating expectation is a badly entrenched thought pattern, a gift from a culture that is perpetually looking ahead to better times regardless of how good the current times are.
Some folks would call this good, old fashioned hope. There’s no harm in hope, right? Of course not. But hope is not expectation. The difference between hope and expectation: hope is open, expectation is closed.
Hope is a verse of “Que Sera, Sera.” Expectation is a history lecture — no music at all and little room for interpretation. Hope is liberating and trusting. Expectation is the complete opposite.
Expectation comes into play when we try to bank on future experiences. We all know change is inevitable, and most of us will try anything we can to manage that change in a way that makes us feel secure. Expectation creates this illusion for us, allowing us to feel as if change is less unpredictable than it is.
But, no matter how hard we expect, things will invariably be different tomorrow, next week, next year.
Milestones of life will be met. Challenges will arise. Something, somewhere will go screwy. Our human flaw lies in trying to control what these changes will bring, how we will feel about them and what life will be like once the inevitable change has manifested. What a dangerous habit and a frightfully common one.
This inclination toward expectation is usually reinforced by the opinions of those around us. People who have “been in your shoes” are desperate to tell you how it is going to work out. As if it’s not bad enough to borrow an experience from your own future, you have to borrow it from everybody else’s past as well.
People love to tell you what to expect as it validates their own understanding. We are all guilty of this. Whatever the situation, whatever you are dealing with, somebody, somewhere will attach an expectation to it. This is how it is supposed to be, they imply.
They are only trying to help when, in essence, they are spoon feeding you a portion of future disappointment. This is how the habit of expectation perpetuates.
Funny how you never notice the bitter taste until after it has been digested.
There is no such thing as how it is “supposed” to be. The future is written in smoke, not stone. And every puff of smoke is beautifully shapeless and fiercely unique. As frightening as it may be, you must allow this to be true. Let go of your expectations and stop trying to force the moment into your (or others’) pre-determined molds.
Experience life as it unfolds without these self-made chains of anticipation. In this manner you can never be disappointed because what you thought would happen didn’t. I can’t promise that you won’t be disappointed by what emerges, but at least you won’t have disappointed yourself.
As my grandma always said: It’s not worth the headache to rob Peter to pay Paul. Or, more succinctly, don’t borrow trouble. The practice of expectation is just that — looking too far ahead and gambling on possibility with your happiness as the wager.
Nobody knows what tomorrow might bring. And why would you want to?
|It's just a different shade of green|
posted by Simplify3 on Aug. 11 2007, Updated on Aug. 11 2007
| The grass is not always greener on the other side...|
The grass is not always greener on the other side. Sometimes it's just just a different shade of green.
Expressions with alternative endings.
|Overcoming Life's Obstacles|
posted by Simplify3 on Oct. 31 2007, Updated on Oct. 31 2007
| Common Goal Obstacles
By Ross Bonander|
Common Goal Obstacles By Ross Bonander
Life is full of obstacles that stand in the way of our goals
The great thing about the human condition is that we’re all human, making this, at least in the abstract, our shared condition: We can rely on the fact that someone, at some point in time, must have faced the very same issues we’re facing.
This is especially true as we work toward achieving our personal goals in life. While not every difficult obstacle in your path will have a perfect solution, you can bet that they'll all have responses, methods of coping, tweaking, manipulating, and even overcoming, because others have faced the same challenges before you. And you can benefit from their successes and their failures. When we talk about common obstacles that stand in the way of reaching our goals and dreams we can, for the moment, sidestep specifics and abandon any narcissistic notion that no one has ever had to endure this or that. Instead, we'll focus on learning about the more productive kinds of responses and how we can apply them to our everyday lives.
Feeling overwhelmedFew emotions become as tremendously all-encompassing as the sense that your goals are caught in a distant, amorphous mess you’ll never be able to negotiate. When this happens, you're feeling overwhelmed. And the most common response is usually quite swift: You give up.
Remedy: Few obstacles on the way to reaching your goals are more trivial than feeling overwhelmed. This feeling is often the product of not knowing where to start, which is in itself a product of indeterminate or inadequately developed plans. There’s no use in dressing up a fancy remedy for this. Sit your ass down and make a to-do list, then start doing it. After all, in the information age there is no excuse for whining that you’re stuck not knowing what to do first or unable to properly organize yourself. Substantially bigger obstacles await; if you can’t knock this one down, you’re in big trouble.
Lack of organizationAgain, like feeling overwhelmed, lacking an organized approach is something that feels far more sizable than it really is. If someone asks you why you haven’t been spending much time on that big plan of yours to go back to school and earn a degree and you honestly answer, “I’m not organized,” don’t expect a whole lot of pity or understanding.
Remedy: Disorganization is the product of bad habits. Bad habits do not develop overnight. So don’t expect to get organized that quickly, either. However, both organization and disorganization can be understood as a function of time: Your habit of relying on a faulty memory or of not following through with small tasks, effectively eating up minutes and hours on the clock. Yet, instead of saying to yourself, “OK, I should start writing things down” or “I have to finish this little task before doing anything else,” you moan, “Damn, where’d the time go?” Reclaim that time by scrutinizing your habits for bugs and taking steps to remove them.
Lack of expertiseComing across a peripheral yet crucial issue that requires a certain expertise -- something technical, for example -- that you’re not equipped to handle could leave you experiencing a feeling of inadequacy or inability to perform properly. As a an obstacle, this can create the kind of frustration that drags you to a complete stop.
Remedy: If you can't move forward without a resolution to that crucial issue, don’t despair. In the old days, we got on our fancy new cordless phones and called the reference desk at our local library. Today, you can roam the internet and hope to stumble over what you need, or you can visit my own personal go-to guy: Any one of the seven reference desks at Wikipedia.org -- whichever is pertinent for you. There, you can drop off your question like your car at the mechanic, come back in an hour or a day to find that either it’s been answered (generally, with sources listed) or that someone has pointed you in the right direction. Gathering knowledge you lacked before will help boost your self-esteem and accelerate your climb over this goal-stopping wall.
Don't let your fears consume you -- meet life head on...
Self-doubtDoubting one’s abilities is almost pandemic in human nature. Maybe the only two sets of people who don’t suffer from self-doubt are Napoleonic alpha males and people too dim or too insecure to accept the notion that they might have limitations.
Remedy: A lot of advice recommends that you go to someone who believes in you, to seek a pep talk. This seems inherently flawed, because the term is self-doubt. The drive to overcome self-doubt must come from within, from the self. Otherwise, you’re jamming a piece of gum into a leak that is destined to widen. So while in the midst of self-doubt, transfer that doubt to your desire to reach your goal. What does it mean to you to say, “Well, maybe I don’t want it that bad after all?” If this notion strikes you as more than untrue -- as near blasphemy -- that's good. Go ahead and keep doubting yourself all you want, so long as your conviction to your goals remains the more powerful motivator.
Fear of failurePsychologically, being afraid of failure makes perfect sense because it’s an awful, awful feeling. Or is it really all that bad? After all, failures come in all shapes and sizes; they can be miscalculations, mental errors, oversights, or they can have nothing at all to do with your performance. For example, if you’re an actor and you don’t get a part you auditioned for, do you consider that a failure? To screw up is one thing, to be outdone is quite another.
Remedy: It’s a common misconception to say that nobody likes to fail. Read about the careers of men like Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison. Now, did these men love to fail? Did they deliberately fail? Were they masochistic in that regard? Of course not. But they both failed many times before they came to realize that the paths they took to achieve their goals were not only littered with failures, but that their eventual achievements would not have been possible without such setbacks. James Joyce even described our errors as a "portal to discovery," so take them in stride and learn from your failures -- don't fear them.
Fear of successAccording to life coach TiCaine, this fear emerges “when you are genuinely creating change and moving forward in your life… and what we imagine in our future has an enormous influence on us.” He goes on to point out that our culture is geared towards trying to remedy aspects of our past, not addressing the conditions of our future. This unknown factor could be the source of our fear.
Remedy: Fearing success becomes a uniquely personal obstacle relating to change and self-esteem. Ask yourself what is so fantastic about your life right now, being as far away from your goals as you are, that you wouldn’t truly want to see it change. In other words, why are you clinging to that? You can’t fear success without also actively embracing failure. The next time someone points out how you like to wallow in self-pity and moan about how you just can’t seem to achieve your goals, accept the fact that you’ve invited failure to bed with you, and not the other way around.
No sense of urgencyOlympic athletes probably have it pretty good in this regard; after all, organizers don’t postpone the games because not everyone was able to instill their own sense of urgency in time. Many of us don’t have the luxury of immovable deadline. While some can create artificial urgency, it’s not possible for others. This lack of pressure makes a lot of us lazy and unmotivated, causing us to never move forward.
Remedy: The most effective remedy is also the most drastic: start lighting fires to bridges and discarding any cushions you may have used to fall back on. If this goal is important enough to you, why have a safety parachute? Let’s be honest, there is not a person alive (who wanted to stay that way) who would leap from an airplane and not deploy their safety chute if their main chute failed. The analogy here isn’t airtight, but it’s close enough. Say your goal is to be a rock star, but if that doesn’t pan out, well, you can always fall back on your talent as a bricklayer. You don’t like laying bricks, but you happen to be good at it.
If the phrase “I can always fall back on” isn’t followed by something you want as much as rock stardom, you’ve killed two birds with a single stone: urgency is dead, and there beside it is your dream.
overcome the obstaclesBottom line is, there is no glory without substantial risk. To continue with the example above, in order to overcome the obstacles between you and your goals, you may have to tell yourself, “Either I will succeed in music or I will fail in music,” because the feeling should be this: I would rather fail at achieving my dreams than succeed at anything else in this life.
|Top 100 things mom's say|
posted by Simplify3 on Jul. 14 2007, Updated on May 18 2012
| Most kids have heard this from their mother - then end up saying it to their kids!|
- MOMISMS -
These are those little sayings that are passed down from Mother to Child
then are magically are said again when that Child becomes a Mother!
1. A little "birdy" told me!
2. A little soap & water never killed anybody.
3. Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.
4. Am I talking to a brick wall?
5. Answer me when I ask you a question!
6. Are you deaf or something?
7. Are you going out dressed like that?
8. Are you lying to me?
9. Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I'm not your maid!
10. As long as you live under my roof, you'll do as I say.
11. Beds are NOT made for jumping on.
12. Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
13. Call me when you get there, just so I know you're okay.
14. Clean up after yourself!
15. Close the door! You weren't born in a barn!
16. Cupcakes are NOT a breakfast food!
17. Did you brush your teeth?
18. Did you clean your room?
19. Did you comb your hair?
20. Did you flush?
21. Do as I say, not as I do.
22. Do I look like a maid?
23. Do you live to annoy me?
24. Do you think I'm made of money?
25. Do you think this is a hotel? You can't just come here only to sleep.
26. Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?
27. Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO.
28. Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.
29. Don't cross your eyes or they'll freeze that way.
30. Don't eat that, you'll get worms!
31. Don't eat the seeds or you'll have watermelons growing out your ears
32. Don't EVER let me catch you doing that again!
33. Don't go out with a wet head, you'll catch cold.
34. Don't make me come in there!
35. Don't make me get up!
36. Don't pick that scab, it'll get infected.
37. Don't pick your nose in public.
38. Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.
39. Don't run in the house.
40. Don't run with a lollipop in your mouth.
41. Don't sit too close to the television, it'll ruin your eyes.
42. Don't talk with your mouth full!
43. Don't use that tone with me!
44. Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!
45. Don't you have anything better to do?
46. Eat your vegetables, they're good for you.
47. Enough is enough!
48. Go ask your father.
49. Go play outside! It's a beautiful day!
50. Go to your room and think about what you did!
51. How can you have nothing to wear? Your closet is FULL of clothes!
52. How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tasted it?
53. How many times do I have to tell you?
54. I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out!
55. I can always tell when you're lying.
56. I can't believe you can sleep in this filth!
57. I can't believe you did that!
58. I didn't ask who put it there, I said "Pick it up!"
59. I don't buy snacks to feed the neighborhood!
60. I don't care what "everyone" is doing. I care what YOU are doing!
61. I don't care who started it, I said stop!
62. I don't care who started it, YOU stop it!
63. I don't have to explain myself. I said no.
64. I don't know is NOT an answer.
65. I hope someday you have children just like you.
66. I hope you don't kiss me with that mouth!
67. I just want what's best for you.
68. I said CLOSE the door, I did not say SLAM it.
69. I would have never talked to MY mother like that!
70. If God had wanted you to have holes in your ears (eyebrows, tongue, etc.) He would have put them there!
71. If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll...
72. If I want your opinion I'll ask for it!
73. If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.
74. If I've told you once ... I've told you a thousand times.
75. If wishes were horses...
76. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
77. If you could stay out last night, you can get up this morning.
78. If you don't clean your plate, you won't get any dessert.
79. If you don't stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about!
80. If you stick your tongue out again it will fall off.
81. If you're too full to finish your dinner, you're too full for dessert.
82. If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play outside.
83. I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.
84. I'm doing this for your own good.
85. I'm going to give you until the count of three... 1.. 2.. 2 and a half... 2 and three quarters
86. I'm going to skin you alive!
87. I'm not always going to be around to do these things for you.
88. I'm not going to ask you again.
89. I'm not running a taxi service.
90. I'm not your waitress!
91. It's no use crying over spilt milk.
92. It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust everyone else.
93. I've had it up to here with you.
94. Life isn't fair.
95. Look at me when I'm talking to you.
96. Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty!
97. Money does NOT grow on trees.
98. Never try on anyone else's glasses or you'll go blind.
99. No child of MINE would do something like that.
100. No, I don't know where your socks are,its not my day to watch them!
101. Nobody asked you.
102. Now, come back downstairs and go back up WITHOUT stomping your feet!
103. Now, say you're sorry...and MEAN it!
104. Over my dead body!
105. Pick that up before somebody trips on it and breaks their neck!
106. Pick up your feet.
107. Put that down! You don't know where it's been!
108. Running away? Don't let the door hit you in the rear.
109. Running away? I'll help you pack.
110. Running away? Is that a threat or a promise?
111. Say that again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap.
112. Shut the door! I'm not heating (air conditioning) the entire neighborhood!
113. So it's raining? You're not sugar -- you won't melt.
114. Someday your face will freeze like that
115. There's enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!
116. Think of those poor starving children in India... (or China, or Africa.)
117. This hurts me more than it hurts you.
118. Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?
119. Turn that racket (music) down!
120. Watch your language!
121. Watch your mouth!
122. Well, I haven't figured out how to cook "cold" yet.
123. Well, people in Hades want ice water, but do you see me with a PITCHER?
124. Well, people in Hell want ice water too!
125. Were you born in a barn? Close the door -- and DON'T slam it!
126. What did I say the FIRST time?
127. What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?
128. What kind of a grade is that? You could do much better!
129. What part of NO don't you understand?
130. When I was a little girl...
131. When I was young we had respect for our elders, now look at the world!
132. When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, by myself, to go to school.
133. When I was your age...
134. When you have kids of your own you'll understand.
135. When you have your own house then you can make the rules!
136. Where do YOU think you're going?
137. Who died and left you boss?
138. Who do you think you are?
139. Who do you think you're talking to?
140. Who said life was going to be easy?
141. Who taught you THAT? You didn't learn that in this house!
142. Why? Because I SAID so, that's why!
143. You are getting on my last nerve.
144. You can't find it? Well, I can't find it for you - I didn't wear it!
145. You can't find it? Well, if you'd put things where they belonged, you wouldn't have this problem.
146. You can't judge a book by its cover.
147. You can't start the day on an empty stomach.
148. You don't always get what you want.
149. You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.
150. You have an answer for everything, don't you?
151. You just ate an hour ago!
152. You made your bed, now lie in it.
153. You must think rules are made to be broken.
154. You should have that phone surgically implanted in your ear.
155. You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!
156. You won't be happy until you break that, will you?
157. You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders!
158. You'll understand when you're older.
159. You're going to put your eye out with that thing!
160. You're the oldest. You should know better
|Work/Life Balance - articles|
posted by Simplify3 on June 27 2007, Updated on Oct. 7 2009